The Late Night Effects of a Late Afternoon Coffee Break

Why on earth do I drink caffeine after 2:00 p.m.?  I certainly know better, but obviously decided against common sense today and had a cup at 4:30.  So this is what you get, folks.  My brain is not tired, so let the rambling begin.


I've been in conversation a lot lately with some of my fellow single ladies.  I think the first signs of fall (or in my case here, winter) always triggers a mood swing for our kind.  The question has been posed in every discussion "When will it be my turn?"  I must say, I ask that quite often myself.  I have no idea what lessons I am supposed to be learning during this time, and sometimes I grow very weary because of uncertainty.


In these same conversations, we also spoke about what the world, through the media (mostly), tells us what is normal.  What is acceptable.  What our life SHOULD be.  These messages are all around us, and despite what we would like to think, influence our patterns of thinking.


Take, for example, any of the movies in the Disney Princess collection.  My personal favorites were always Cinderella and the Little Mermaid.  The messages in both of these movies are the same.  A woman changes something about herself to be with the man of her dreams (who is perfect in every way).  No matter which movie it is, there is always some dramatic, unrealistic path to the relationship, which always ends "happily ever after."  As a young girl, you begin to think this is normal (or at least I did), attainable and that the only other option is to be the wicked witch/evil stepmother.  This HAS to happen to you at some point.  And then it doesn't....

I am a huge fan of the chick flick, romantic comedy genre of film.  For some reason, they always make me feel like everything is going to be alright.  Among my favorites are 27 Dresses (probably because I have like 12 myself), 50 First Dates and the Proposal.  Whenever I have a bad day, my therapy is one of these movies and a bucket or tub of something that is incredibly bad for me.  I really don't know what I gain from doing this.  Once again, they make me feel that I will find my prince charming someday and then my life will be perfect and complete.   But what if I don't...

Watching the ones I love get married one by one and hearing about the men I used to love marrying women who aren't me, will take a toll on the heart, especially when you are watching it alone.  Of course I am very happy that they are happy and it brings me joy to see them fulfilled.  But you do begin to wonder if there is some repulsive flaw about you that you are blind to.  And there is also a sense of abandonment when you realize you are the "last man standing" among your circle.

The thing is this.  We are not promised anything that movies or television or magazines tell us we need, just because we are born and breathe and live here on earth.  Fulfillment does not come from constantly trying to keep up with these messages.  I wish they would make a movie, write a book or create a television show about a woman who lives a full, complete, love-filled life as a single individual.  Paul himself was single, and said that if one could handle the lifestyle, that it was preferable.  

Obviously your relationship status is not the only thing we are "told" should be a certain way.  There are messages about children at a certain point in your life, or adding another child to the family, having your "dream job", being anything you want to be, etc.  Everyone is affected.  Singleness just happens to be the life situation I relate to the most.  I want to believe that if I live for the next 60 years as a single woman, that I can give my whole heart to those people around me who will become my family.  I can dedicate my life to serving them, and to experiencing the world to the greatest degree.  I want to believe that this is enough.  And maybe, if I stop filling my mind with things that suggest the contrary, I will be able to accomplish that.  

Thank you, as always, for listening.